Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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