Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
