I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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