And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
