literally had 100 drinks last night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
