it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
