I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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