Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
