i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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