ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
