lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
