So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
