I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hippo gnu deer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
