You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
