I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
