there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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