How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
