my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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