My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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