id be glad to
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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