I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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