so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you never un-have a 4some
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
