just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
