Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
