i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
