I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
