they call him Oral-B. enough said
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
