I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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