Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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