I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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