I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
