Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
