I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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