Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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