Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
