Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
