My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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