The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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