He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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