The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
