Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
