they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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