'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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