Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
