when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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