is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
