Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
