this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
