My hand turned me down
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
