I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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