Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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