I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
