I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
