can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
